Nicole vs. Life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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