just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
