He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
