Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
