WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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