New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
