I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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