Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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