I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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