Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
