bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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