ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
