Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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