she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
