Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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