i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
