some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
