I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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