it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
