Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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