it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
