She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
