Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
