She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
