She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
