your room smells of hookers.
And success
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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