It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
