She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
