3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
