you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
