made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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