there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
