Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize