I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
