in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
