Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
