so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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