they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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