Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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