Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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