mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
