got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
