Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
