my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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