in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
