Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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