just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
