What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
