cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
