It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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