I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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