a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
