Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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