i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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