Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
