i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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