Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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