I faked an abortion last night.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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