Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My Sexting was not on an AP level
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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