is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
