why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
