I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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