Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
