i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
